You know that feeling when you’re crushing hard on someone? You get butterflies in your tummy when that person is around and your heart seems to skip a little beat. Maybe even a little tingly in your panties imagining being with that person? Innocent flirting that gets your hopes up and makes your mind wonder…
I had just this type of crush on a former co-worker. He was tall, slender and slightly muscular. He towered over me by a good foot and 3 inches. He had dark hair, dark eyes, a goofy smile, a sunset tattoo on his calf and drove a mustang. I didn’t know much else about him but I did know that I was curious. I was curious what it would be like to kiss him, to touch his skin against my skin, to fuck him and be fucked by him. You know what curiosity leads to? Often times it leads to trouble but in this case it led to disappointment.
The night of my 28th birthday was celebrated at a local dive bar. I went out with a handful of girlfriends who were also coworkers of mine. The night started out with dinner and ended up with my drunk ass sitting on the floor of the bar bathroom. Now you know a lot of classy shit had to happen between dinner and a 2 am bar closing.
Let’s attempt to piece together the little bits that I do recall…
Flash back to the days of the Razor. You know, this hot little cell phone with the fun and funky ring tone? Yeah, that gives you an idea of when this shit went down. I remember being at the bar texting Tower to invite him out. At this point I wasn’t drunk but I was feeling the whiskey deep within my soul. I remember him showing up, wishing me a happy birthday and possibly dancing with me. Dancing…that part is fuzzy but what I do remember VERY CLEARLY is being on the dance floor and pinning him against a wall to tell him something very important. Very important to a whiskey drinking 28 year old with a crush; what ever could this important news be?
“It is my birthday and all I want is to fuck you. You’re coming back to my house tonight to fuck.”
There you have it ladies and gentleman, all I needed to tell him was what I had wished for when I blew out my birthday candles. No red bow or gift wrapping needed.
Now what happened next? That is a great question.
At some point I decided I needed to be in the restroom. I must have known that I should to be in close proximity to a toilet. What better place to sit my ass down and sober up than the floor of a dive bar bathroom. Luckily my girlfriends were not as drunk as I was or they held their shit together better than I did. Eventually they came looking for my ass and brought me some water. I was told that I stayed in that bathroom for almost an hour. I kept drinking water while telling them that Tower was coming to my house for birthday sex. I am sure that in my condition they just went along with my rambling until I was able to peel myself off the floor and head home.
Eventually I did just that. I peeled myself off that bathroom floor, we all piled into my girls convertible and headed home. I remember dropping a few people off and stumbling into my house to find Tower! Now it gets super sexy and romantic. Drunk ass birthday girl and a whiskey dick tall guy attempting to fuck. I woke up the next day in fetal position, so fucking hungover and miserable. I rolled over and saw him; Tower was asleep in my bed! I freaked the fuck out while going through my drunk texts from the night before. I quickly text a friend of mine to tell her he was in my bed. She was able to fill me in on some of the classy details from the evening. Tower woke up and we had a good laugh while trying to piece together the details from the night before. He stayed for hours just laying in bed cuddling. We were both so miserably hungover that moving or getting out of bed was not an option. Eventually we parted ways. We saw each other at work a few days later and exchanged a smile. Seeing him was not awkward and my crush slowly dissipated. Many months later we ran into each other at a club. He walked me to my car, leaned in for a kiss and asked if we could try again. On this night, I had hardly drank and here he was holding onto my car for balance. I smiled at him, kissed his cheek and said, “I had such a crush on you. We tried once and had a drunken whiskey failure. Let’s just leave it at that.”
It would be a lie if I said I wasn’t still a little curious. If only we hadn’t been so damn drunk.