I know you are all wondering what happened with Trojan. How did it end? Did you ever have sex again? Did he ever pick up the tab? Did you give him a coupon for the next time he needed a baby blue shirt?
Let me put your wondering minds at ease and tell you the final tale of Trojan. There was no more sex; which wasn’t much of a disappointment at this point. He never picked up a tab when we went out, although I treated him to coffee twice. Let me just tell you that the two times we went to a Starbucks, this guy ordered a “Pink Drink” which he pronounced “Pink Drank” and then an “Iced White Chocolate Mocha”. I am pretty sure I don’t have to say much more about that…#basicwhitebitch. And considering his Starbucks orders were so fucking fancy, I saved the coupon for my damn self.
The last time that I saw Trojan was a week after our fancy dinner date at the local sports bar/restaurant. I was out for the night with a few girlfriends and Trojan happened to be at the same place. He text me to ask if I was there and to let me know that he was at the outside bar. I replied telling him I was on the dance floor with my girlfriends and I would come say hi before I was going to leave. About an hour later he text again and I assured him that I would see him before I headed home. When I finally headed to the outside bar, I found a very drunk Trojan hanging out with a few friends. Two of the people in the group I had not yet met. One girl was giving me some wicked stank eye. I introduced myself to her and shook her hand. She returned to her boyfriend but continued to give me some dirty glances. I asked Trojan if these girls were friends of his ex-girlfriend…BINGO! I just smiled at the girls. The other person was a guy who Trojan was very excited to introduce me to. During the introduction, Trojan had his arm around me with his hand cupping my ass check. He very happily introduced me to his friend. Now this guy was a character, he was about 5’6 had a bit of a beer belly and was wearing jeans with a t-shirt tucked him. He also was sporting a baseball cap, a goatee and a tongue ring. He was clean cut and probably in his early to mid 40s. If he was younger, I feel super bad for him.
Now let’s get to this super classy introduction. Just after telling his friend my name, Trojan asks him to guess how old I am. The guy looks like a fucking deer in headlights as he just stares at me afraid to speak. I laugh and assure him that while Trojan might look older than me, I am actually 9 years older than Trojan. Trojan smiles and follows up with, “I fucked her and she is great in bed. You should get her number.”
What in the actual fuck?
This dude is shocked, he replies, “I am sorry that happened to you.” I smile and respond with, “We all make mistakes and Trojan was one of those mistakes. No harm done.”
At that very moment, Trojan checks his phone and loudly announces that his ex-girlfriend is coming to hangout with everyone. This is my cue to exit stage right. I mean, I could have stayed to introduce myself to the ex. We could have talked about how much Trojan enjoyed talking about his dick and how great I am in bed. Truth is, I need my beauty sleep more than I need drama.
Pass, next please.