Road trip to Gainesville for a Gator game. Anytime that I have spent at The Swamp has been a good time! Except maybe this time…
Drive there was smooth with a good balance of music and conversation. Upon arrival, we decide to hop around a few places for some beers and to grab a bite to eat. D-A-D and I are having a pretty good time until he says, “I want to have another child. I think you would make a great mom.”
Hold the fuck up here
Who says that to someone after just a few weeks of hanging out? Who says that to someone when you’re pre-gaming and drinking beer before a college football game? Who says that???
Now we are here, it’s awkward as fuck and I need more beer. All I can do is smile at him and say, “That sure as shit made my ovaries go into hiding. Pretty sure I am all set.”
Drop subject. I am hungry and I need another beer. I ask him to look at the menu and see what he is craving. I mean besides finding a woman who wants to give him another child cause that shit is not even an option. As he is reading over the menu I notice something…he is struggling big time with reading the menu. Immediately I zone in, he is not that drunk yet he is stumbling over everyday words. I am starting to make sense of this and the way that he would text. Since I am not a rude cunt, I don’t say anything to him. We order wings, fries and drink more a few more beers. As we head towards the stadium, I notice a plaque with some info about the University of Florida on it. I nonchalantly ask him to read it to me as I am tying my shoe. He pauses, starts to read it, pauses again and says to me, “I am not the best reader.” I ask him what does he mean by that statement and he explains that he struggles helping his third grader with homework. I am speechless. I feel sad for him. I have no words. We continue walking towards the stadium.
I cheer my fucking face off. GATORS WIN!!!! We walk back to the car; drive home in silence and part ways. I mean, let’s be real, at this point what does one even say?
6 years later I buy a new house. A few weeks after moving in I notice him. He lives two doors down in a rental with his girlfriend. The cops are there often and DFC. It is a sad story. I sure do pick winners to date but at least I don’t keep their sorry asses.