Drunkin Dick Talk

Trojan, Trojan, Trojan…

You might recall that I mentioned Trojan’s name comes from the fact that this guy talked about his dick more than anyone I have ever met in my life. While I stated this in my first blog about him, I really haven’t shared the oddness of this whole dick talk. Let’s start with the simple fact that he just liked to say the word “dick”. While at home, Trojan prefers to walk around in the nude often pointing to his dick and just saying out loud, “DICK”. He would also randomly grab my tits and ass while yelling out “Boobs” “Ass”, as if perhaps I am unaware of the names of these body parts. Now this gets old fast, especially when it is occurring upwards of 10 to 15 times a day. In a half-joking manner, I informed Trojan that I was keeping tally of how many times he talked about his dick or said the word “dick” out loud without real reason to do so. In addition to just announcing the appendage, Trojan also spoke very fondly of his “buddy” and boasted of its size and beauty. At one point I ever so kindly informed Trojan that he was not the only man with a dick of this size. On numerous occasions he would inform me that his “buddy” was a solid 8″ in length. Now while he penis was of a nice size, I never once took out my ruler to confirm this exact measurement. What I will confirm is that I have seen bigger, I have seen smaller but I have never met anyone so enamored with their own cock.

Let’s move on to the dive bar…

At this point I have moved onto tequila (separate tabs of course) and we are sitting in a smoky bar waiting for one of Trojan’s friends to arrive. He is very excited to introduce me to his friend and even says, “You’re really going to like this guy. He is freaky like you.” Freaky like me? Hmmmm…let’s see here, Trojan and I have been hanging out for 4 weeks now. On this particular night, it had been 10 days since we last had sex. I had slept over a few times but he only wanted to cuddle. Well, cuddle and talk about his dick of course. I had attempted to initiate sex and was told that his “buddy” wasn’t feeling very sexual.

Enter Trojan’s friend, let’s call him Pretty Boy. Pretty Boy is a baby face, he is easy on the eyes and looks so very young. Pretty Boy has brought another dude with him and we will call him Ginger. The four of us grab a table and start chatting. Really just Pretty Boy, Ginger and myself are chatting. Luckily I have no problems being a social butterfly and I make lively conversation with just about anyone I meet. Trojan sits rather quietly at the table playing on his phone. A few times, Pretty Boy asks him whats with being on his phone. Trojan replies that he is chatting with someone on Tinder.

Yep, he invited me out for the night and he is openly chatting on Tinder while we are out. Now a few of my girlfriends asked me why this did not piss me off. Let’s face it, I am not looking for someone to make a life long commitment with here. I was looking for a summer fling. I knew from the get go that this dude was not boyfriend material and I wanted to bail after the second time we hung out. But I am glad I gave it a month because STORIES!

Ginger looks at me with shock, I laugh and shrug it off. I tell Ginger that Trojan and I are not really together so it’s not a big loss for me. He offers to buy me a drink and we head to the bar. Upon returning to the table, the conversation turns to sex. Drunk Trojan beings to talk about my boobs which quickly turns into a monologue about how much he misses his first girlfriend’s breasts. The three of us just sit looking at this dude until he realizes that he has gone off on this nostalgic titty tangent from well over two years ago. Trojan looks at us, laughs and out of nowhere changes the subject to his “buddy”. Not only is Trojan now going to boast about the size and beauty of his dick but he is also quick to inform me that he and Pretty Boy have “twin dicks”. The look on Pretty Boys face is damn near priceless. Apparently Trojan is a fan of showing off his dick when drunk and at some point there was a comparison of the two dicks. I can not make this shit up. I also have no real details of how, when or how many times the dicks were compared. What I do know is that Pretty Boy is FAST to inform me that their dicks are far from “twins” because his dick is circumcised.

And there you have it ladies and gentlemen, the night has come to an end. It is 2am, the bar is closing and we have reached a conclusion that Trojan and Pretty Boy do not in fact have twinsie twinkies. We head back to Trojan’s house. I pass out in my dress, I wake up early and get the fuck out of there.

Don’t fret my pretties, there is one more run in with Trojan when we bump into each other a week later for a mere 12 mins in a final farewell.


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