Does this qualify me as “Cougar Status”?

Urban Dictionary gives a few descriptions for a “cougar” but I feel the one that best describes me states that a cougar is “a real hottie – as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together.”

Enter the Trojan, who was 9 years younger than I. I am calling him Trojan not due to any back door hacking but because this dude talked about his dick more than a condom commercial. I met Trojan at an Adult Trivia night where I had shown up with my date, Yolanda, a very flirtatious blond blow-up doll. I was in rare form on this particular night and was buzzing off some diet coke. I know some say this shit is bad for you but lets face it…we are all going to die so if I can’t enjoy a diet coke when I am out with Yolanda then what is the point of life?

Trojan rolls in with some acquaintances of mine, taking a seat next to Yolanda and myself. I am sure this dude is not exactly sure what he got himself into as he keeps looking at me whilst I dance around giving ridiculous answers to questions about porn stars, sex positions and other adult related questions. Of which I am clearly clueless and horrible at considering I maybe got 2 correct the whole night!

At some point Trojan asks for my number and to add me on SnapChat. I hand the dude my phone because I literally just learned how to use the Snap and have not a fucking clue of how to add someone. The night ends and we all part ways….

The next morning I am laying poolside when I get a notification on SnapChat from Trojan. As we chat back and forth, I cant help but laugh with my girlfriend that this dude has no clue how old I am. Eventually I suggest that I am older and give him a chance to guess…yep, he guesses 7 years younger than I actually am! SCORE 🙂

Rewind and fast forward…we meet on a Friday, we chat most of Saturday and Sunday, we have dinner together on Monday…this dude is definitely not “boyfriend” material but that is not what I am looking for anyway. I figure a fun, younger summer fling that will be good for some laughs and some orgasms. We meet up again on Thursday for dinner and a few drinks. This time at his house…

I am sure there must be some set of rules for this sort of thing – like 5 dates before you fuck or no sex until marriage or whatever it is that people want to make for themselves. Truth is, I need to orgasm and he was packing a large and thick eggplant. So I fucked him…twice…

It wasn’t awkward sex, there was no starfishing on anyone’s part. We clicked, it flowed and our hips moved together in sync. I orgasmed three time that night. All in all, I have no complaints in the fucking department.

Now remember why this guy was donned the name “Trojan” because there will be more on that classy habit later.

Follow me on IG @pass.nextplease


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